THE 7 CAPTIVATING GUYS A CHRISTIAN SINGLE LADY MEETS
singleness and society
The 7 Captivating Guys
a christian single lady meets
As Christian single ladies, the way we meet guys differs from what society offers. But our being a Christian doesn’t take us out of the society, so we continue to mingle with guys from all walks of life. Many are available, but most of them are unbelievers.
Unbelievers, Our Second Best Option?
Why not consider them? We’ve heard lots of testimonies of believers bringing their spouses to Christ.
Hold that thought! We look into their success story and claim it may happen to us. But we neglect the years of pain and suffering a Christian lady had to endure before a breakthrough of a husband becoming a believer. And how about those who never made it and drifted away from their faith instead?
The Bible is blunt in saying,
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
God is not being hard in giving this command, it’s for our own good. How can you share your passion in following Jesus if your better half is the opposite? But as Paul teaches in his letters, a Christian married lady should do everything she can to win her husband. What should a Christian do if he or she is married to an unbeliever?
The Christian Single Lady
For us Christian single ladies, make 2 Corinthians 6:14 a very important reminder in choosing a partner. Marriage is no joke. It’s a lifetime commitment with an oath made in front of men and of God.
So here are 7 Types of Guys you might meet and relate with. They’re based on my Experience meeting guys with different backgrounds and cultures. I’d like to share The Lessons and The Challenges you could consider as a Christian Single Lady.
1. The Unbeliever ULTIMATE crush
Admit it ladies, there’s this one guy you drool over to be with. But the big problem, he’s an unbeliever, and that gives you the hesitation to show interest. So you opt for a safer route – include him in your prayer list for God to change his heart and be a Christian like you.
Every time you see him, your heart beats faster that he could be the one. So you plead to God, “I like him, please make him a believer soon.” God seems silent about it, but you hold on to your feelings even for years.
I had an Ultimate Crush when I worked abroad. He’s a hunk! His personality is likable, and he has a great sense of humor. I fantasized and hoped we could be a couple. He’s not a Christian, and I didn’t agree with his liberated lifestyle. But we’re good friends, we ate out, hung out. We visited each other and shared stories. Since I liked him, every gesture he did seemed special and with meaning.
My daydreaming of my Ultimate Crush stripped me from reality and even wasted my time. I liked him for years and kept praying for him, even though his lifestyle was a red flag waving at me.
Do you have an Unbeliever Ultimate Crush in mind? Are you hoping he would be your boyfriend? I’m sorry to say it’s time for you to move on and stop fantasizing about your future marriage and children with him. Don’t even try changing him and making it a goal to lead him to Christ. A very tricky situation to be in because it involves feelings. A guy might only act to be a Christian to get you, or you might compromise to be with him.
2. the all out jesus guy
When you meet an All Out Jesus Guy, and you like him, you feel you hit a jackpot. You’re excited to grow spiritually together and have a God-centered relationship.
I met my All Out Jesus Guy in one of our dinners with friends. He’s a very good-looking guy. It thrilled me when he asked me out and thought, “He’s a Christian, this is potential!”
We had dinner, talked about life abroad and the challenges we encountered. He said, “There’s a purpose why I’ve met you because you’re a lost sheep.” I frowned thinking, “Oh, you don’t know me much.” I realized he’s trying to counsel me, and to bring me back to Christ. I didn’t remember telling him I was a backslider, I just said that it’s hard to look for a church when you’re in a new country.
Then he invited me to join his Bible study group. “So this is what the dinner invitation is all about,” I thought with a bit of disappointment. But it impressed me how determined he was in following Jesus. We had Bible study once a week with other people. He had his peculiar way of doing it.
Our communication became more regular, but most of the time, our perspectives from small to big things clashed. Like one instance, I asked him why he always used god instead of God. He responded with a long text message justifying his use of god. I rested my case.
Then he started talking about the future and kept repeating, “Diane, this will be huge, are you ready to be part of the mission?” He shared his future plans and asked me to join him on his calling. There’s just something about it that didn’t feel right. It got weird that I avoided him and eventually disconnected.
I’m sorry to say my friendship with him didn’t go well. But one thing to learn from here – when we meet people, even though they’re Christians, we should put our level of discernment up high. Be ready to ask hard questions. God has given each one of us wisdom and discernment. Use them in all situations.
Be more curious if the guy you’ve met is a Christian. Dig deeper if he’s the guy he’s trying to project. Have faith discussions together. Ask his stand about various issues in life. Are they at par with what the Bible says?
Run away if he says, “God told me you’re the one for me.” One of my friends experienced this. She responded they could pray together about it. But after a while the guy was missing in action. What happened to his “God told me you’re the one for me?” So ladies, don’t fall into this trap.
3. the trial and error guy
When I moved to another city, cost of living was way more expensive, so renting a whole flat would eat all my salary. My friend Thesa was already in the city and when I joined her, we looked for a bigger flat with better rooms. We found one with 4 bedrooms; we rented each a room and the other two rooms by two guys. Then when one tenant left, we welcomed a new guy.
The new guy asked me out twice, it’s a friendly invitation, but I didn’t entertain the ‘Let’s hang out this Saturday’. And the other time he invited me to join him and his friends for dinner. I said yes but chickened out the last minute, I texted him I couldn’t go. Thereafter, with no more invitations.
Sometimes when we meet people and we have the desire to have a relationship, we can be open to any kind of invitation. For me, my hesitation was a blessing of protection.
The guy’s way of knowing his partner/girlfriend to be is through dating (nothing’s wrong with that) and sex (something’s wrong with that to a Christian Single Lady). The guy started bringing girls to the apartment, and the next dilemma we faced was during weekends being awakened by “noises” in the middle of the night, either from the guys’ room. We’re meeting a different girl every week, sometimes with the same girl two weeks in a row. He eventually settled to one, so at least no more random girls coming to our place.
It’s flattering for a guy to ask you out, right? But as a Christian Single Lady, you need to be extra careful dealing with all the invitations you receive. Not all are with pure intentions. You might meet a guy who wants to “try you” and if it didn’t work for him, sorry, you’re an “error”. He’s up to his next date. In a society where sex is a normal part of dating, a Christian Single Lady should be adamant in keeping her purity and dignity intact. Always please God and not your date. The Relationship: 5 Ways to Keep It or Destroy It
4. the self-absorbed guy
I also met a nice guy friend, bookish and smart. Every time we go out, I end up listening to his stories. He has lots of them. He’s travelled to many places and has been a mountaineer dreaming to have Mt. Everest as his next climb.
He could go on and on talking about himself… So one time I said to him, “You’re too much of yourself.” He’s aware of it and would talk all the more. He also shared lots of intimate things about what he used to do with his girlfriends, which I abhorred to listen to. I think having one date with him would give you all the information you need.
This Self-Absorbed Guy happens to be a good-natured friend so I have my chances of making him stop and have my turn to talk. When I told him about what happened to me and my ex, he’s surprised why I considered it a heavy thing. For him, “purity commitment” is no big deal and life is about pleasure – hedonism that is.
Be wise in choosing your friends for you become the people who you always hang out with. Your friends, both believers and unbelievers, will put ideas into your mind that might influence you to do good or to compromise. They can challenge your principles in life. It’s not for you to avoid them when you’re already friends, but it’s an avenue to be bold in sharing your side, your beliefs and what you stand for.
5. the uninterested guy
My nephew mentioned about a guy and insisted to check him out, so I stalked his Facebook. He seems to be a fan of nature based on his pictures. He seems accomplished with his chosen career. He’s surrounded with family and friends. He has a trained eye for photography; he has incredible shots having nature as his background. And, yeah, my nephew is right, he’s handsome, my type.
I added, and he accepted the request, I thanked him saying, “thanks for adding a stranger’s account…” I also told him I stalked his nature escapades and they’re nice. He said, “thanks,” and inquired, “You’re a runner?” (maybe he also tried checking some of my profile pictures). I answered, “I was trying to be one, but lately not running anymore.” Next thing, Facebook’s most frustrating feature? The “seen” feature ~when you text people and Facebook shows you they’ve seen it but no reply.
He’d seen the message, and no more replies. He’s not interested to be even part of the ‘getting to know each other’ stage. I messaged him again in two separate occasions regarding some posts. He replied, but no sign of expanding the conversation.
The truth, he’s not just into me.
It’s okay for us to show our interest to guys giving subtle hints, and when we face rejections, guys deal with that too. In the dating world, we like people that don’t like us and we don’t like people that like us. That’s how it goes. There are a lot of factors involved, so don’t take it personally!
If you meet someone whom you like and he likes you too, congratulations! You’re good to go to the next stage of being a couple. If the relationship works, then wedding bells are not far. But if not, you’re back to square one of socialization.
Take care of yourself! Be beautiful inside and out! Be the first one to have a great interest in yourself.
6. THE RESERVED GUY
One of my high school batch mates got in touch with me on Facebook. He asked me questions about my whereabouts for the past 20 years and told me that if at one point I became desperate being single, he’s there for me. Another friend told me, if at 45 or 50 ~I’m not yet married, he’s also there for me. What’s up with these guys? They’re sending an indirect message of being the Reserved Guy.
Would it be so unfair on their part if the only reason I considered them is because I’m desperate, no other choices, and I’m already old?
Would it be also sad for me if I’m getting into a relationship for the sake of just having one and not because I love the guy?
I don’t think having a Reserved Guy will ever work because it comes from desperation. Be honest when a guy suggests this idea and don’t give false hope. If you like someone, you like someone. If you don’t like someone, don’t give your maybes.
This also applies to us ladies. Don’t be a Reserved Girl. We are to take risks in meeting people. It’s not when one is desperate or vulnerable that we take our chances and be the rebound girlfriend or whatever. If someone is potential, we pray for him and open our eyes for God’s confirmation through His words, mentors, and situations. Be happy if it’s a yes and be a sport if it’s a big no.
But you can be a Reserved Girl in terms of your “purity commitment” for your future husband. Meet different people but be firm with your non-negotiables. Guys who couldn’t handle them would go away, but guys who respect them would stay. The Non-negotiables: 6 Standards All Singles Should Keep
7. THE ONE
You’re a Christian Single Lady, right? So most likely this is the guy you’ve not met yet. Maybe you’ve heard people say, The One doesn’t exist. I disagree, I believe there is! But he’s not someone with a badge on his head with the words, “Diane, I’m the One for you, look for this specific badge to have me.” Or you with a placard of a complete list and requirements in getting The One. It doesn’t work that way. The Top 5 List: How I Prayed for the One and Got it Right?
When you meet a guy, and you’re willing to take him as your husband for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, till death do us part…
Then you’ve found The One.
My hopes and frustrations for The One are all over my journal. It’s funny how indecisive I was talking to God about my desire to be married or my willingness to be single for life.
How many times I told God I’m letting go… only to take it back again? When down, I pray to God with self-pity, “Where is my husband to be?” When everything seems going well, I pray with confidence, “I’m okay, I can deal with single-blessedness.” My faith relies more on my feelings and circumstances instead of God’s promises and revelations.
If you believe God has called you for marriage, keep trusting Him that He will reveal The One to you when the right time comes. Have Abraham’s excellent faith report card. Genesis 22: Abraham’s Faith Report Card
He really is in control of the details of your life, and this applies to your singleness, dating, and future marriage as well. He has planned who you will meet, when you will meet him or her, and what the outcome of that meeting will be. He knows who you will marry and who you won’t marry. (Mark Ballenger)
While you wait, make your singleness worth it by becoming the woman after God’s own heart. Singleness is one of the perfect seasons to get things right first and to chase God with undistracted devotion! ♥